What is criticism in a relationship


Between one happy couple and one unhappy there are sometimes only very minor differences. Also a unhappy couple argues every now and then and gets along again. That too unhappy couple laughs at shared vacation experiences, plans weekend shopping or the next movie or theater visit. But if a unhappy couple When you get home, frustrating exchanges often ensue.

Doris and Peter

"Carla whispered so funny with Barbara again today," says Doris to Peter.
“Oh, you and this Carla. But that you also find their chatter so important! ”Says Peter, without looking up from his computer magazine.
When Doris tries to follow up again, Peter throws his eyes to the sky in annoyance and mumbles: "Always this catfight with you in the office". This settles the case for Peter and Doris is initially silent, angry. Later it goes back to business as usual. You can't talk to men after all!

What a depressing exchange! First of all, that was a criticism. There followed a disparaging gesture from Peter - roll his eyes - and at the end a contemptuous utterance. And all in just fifteen seconds!

It used to be a male privilege to treat their wives with condescension and criticism. Just like Peter just did with Doris. Those days are over. Today there is hardly any difference between the sexes on this point. Women are also annoyed and don't want to listen to their husbands. Women also cast their eyes to the sky and miss the most important thing that we are looking for in a partnership: Respect and understanding.

What can I do?

Please check your own conversation behavior:

  • Could it be that you like to criticize your partner?
  • Do you often tell him how he could have done things better? So do you like to give him advice?
  • Are you thrifty with appreciation and understanding?

If you even have to answer any of these three questions Yes replied, then you shouldn't be surprised at bad moods in your relationship. Your partner is not with you to hear from you about all the things they did wrong after a difficult day. He wants to be accepted and wants to feel that you are on his side. Without compromise. Your task in a partnership is to show the other person understanding and to stand behind him. The motto of a happy relationship is not "Alone against everyone", rather "Together against the rest of the world". Empower him, so back it up. If you don't do this, you will endanger your relationship.

The partner rarely reacts to criticism with insight

But now it can be that your partner always leaves his shoes in the middle of the way, his bag and his coat in the kitchen. Should you just accept something like this in the future, no matter how annoying it is? Isn't it allowed - for once, of course - to criticize heavily?

You can do that, but you should not be surprised if you do not come across any insight from your partner, but instead hear a criticism following your criticism. That you're too picky, for example. Or that you recently left the breakfast plate and coffee cup in the kitchen. With a different approach you will reach your goal better and faster. Try it out with wishes!

And how do you actually react to criticism? Hand on heart! Do you manage to respond to a criticism in a very factual manner? Or do you tend - like over 90 percent of all people - to reciprocate criticism in a partnership with counter-criticism? Why do partners actually react this way? Because you don't feel loved. You feel attacked and want to defend yourself.