How do I find my perfect partner

Find the right partner: 4 tips for the perfect lid (including test)

Find the right partner and finally have a nice partnership? These 4 tips (which many disregard) will help you find the right place. Bonus: Take the test at the end of the post to find out who is right for you.

30-second summary

  • You have to know yourself very well to find the right partner.
  • When you know what to expect from relationships, you will attract the right partner into your life.
  • Studies show that we choose our partner based on the same values ​​and body odor, among other things.
  • "Fatal Attraction" means that we are drawn to people who are very dissimilar to us - often these relationships fail.
  • At the end of the article you will find a “Relationship Type Test”. He'll tell you who suits you.

What does “the right one” actually mean?

The dating market is up chaotic and difficult to understand. Various dating platforms flood us with potential lovers. How should we find the right partner for us with this mass?

At the end of a date, that's exactly what we ask ourselves: Is he or she the one or the other? And is there the right partner at all?

In some cases we recognize that "Mismatch”After just ten minutes: arrogant and egotistical behavior, cocky demeanor - who wants to be able to see a relationship with a narcissist or enter into a toxic relationship? Both types of relationships rob us of the energy we need for ourselves and our goals in life.

Sometimes exactly the opposite happens: You get to know someone and you immediately get the feeling that you have known this person for ages? The eyes, the voice, the smell, the way of speaking - everything feels familiar and right.

The problem is: If we have only been in unhealthy relationships so far, we often don't even know what to do what behaviors we have to look out to find the right partner. We also identify Narcissists or energy vampires (Be sure to read the article dealing with negative people) not always immediately.

This blog post provides you with tried and tested, scientifically sound tips to help you find the right person - so that you can get one harmonious, happy and satisfied Can lead partnership.

tip: Be sure to listen to my podcast episode on the topic: Why do we always fall in love with the wrong person?

How do I know the right one?

How do you find the right partner now? At first glance, “Finding the right partner” sounds very promising and exciting. In reality, however, getting to know the right partner is rather calm.

Partners who are very similar in character, desires, needs, preferences and interests fit together best. Often that is the Partner for life.

Everyone's personality is relatively stable. Even if you show your best side at the beginning of a relationship, no one can fundamentally change their own character. Not even for the dream partner.

So, to find the right partner, you have to first find yourself- so get to know. Which values ​​are important to you? What is a good relationship for you? What are your preferences? Do you want to have children Are you vegetarian Are you committed to the environment and therefore avoid plastic or unnecessarily many flights? Have you got over the last breakup and ready for something new?

These Self-reflection is a prerequisite for the fact that you can attract the right partner for you into your life!

If you know yourself, you will find the right partner. He is distinguished by the fact that he is yours Shares life and relationship preferences.

What role does biology play?

When we take the perspective of evolution, mate selection is all about our offspring. Our deeply rooted Urge to procreate determines who we fall in love with. That doesn't sound very romantic, admittedly. But: We can use this knowledge to find our “perfect match”.

"I can't smell you"

Scientists, for example, agree that our choice of partner, among other things unconsciously due to the smell. Body odor is a major factor determining who we are attracted to.

Research shows that our brain based on the smell cocktail of a potential partner can see whether he or she is “biologically” a good fit for us. Researchers refer to what our nose does in conjunction with our hippocampus there as an “immunity check”.

The result: If we perceive another person's body odor, this either resolves in our emotional center - depending on previous experience pleasant or negative feelings out.

Now it's getting interesting: A study from 2018 was even able to show that alone the smell of the T-shirt of one's own partner that Lower stress levels can. In another experiment (also known as the “Sweaty T-Shirt Study”) researchers found that there is a connection between smell and attractiveness: If the test subjects found the smell of a shirt they had previously worn as pleasant, the probability was high that they would Also found the wearer to be externally attractive.

What do we learn from it? We also find the right man or woman through our noses.

"People of the same kind stick together"

Psychologists also see other motives in our choice of partner. The saying "The two goes together" has now been scientifically proven, for example, very well. In the vast majority of cases, we select partners who are just as attractive as we are - partners who play in “our league”.

This assumption is scientifically supported by David Perrett. He's a perceptual researcher at St. Andrews University, researching whether we have a stronger attraction feel to people who look like us. To find out, he converted the faces of female test subjects into male faces on the computer and faces of male test subjects into female ones.

He then asked the test subjects to rate the pictures on the basis of their attractiveness. In fact, he was able to find that his subjects were on her opposite-sex image reacted very positively.

4 tips on how to find the right partner

Finding the right partner is not an easy undertaking. You choose the person you spend time with, who will tell you about the work that may raise your children, and the person who (maybe for the rest of your life) you will fall asleep and wake up to.

Below I want you to four important points who can help you decisively to find the right one for you (!).

Letting go of the past

If you want to find the right partner, you really have to be ready for something new. That means: let Ex-partner and possibly painful experiences. To be able to forgive and forgive is an extremely powerful tool. It helps you to free yourself from the old.

If you don't let go of old pain, it (unconsciously) poisons your thoughts and feelings. That leads to you transferring old feelings to new, potential partners and build walls around you. You may even get lost in brooding and regularly find yourself trying to stop the carousel of thought.

It is imperative to you to get rid of contaminated sitesto find the right partner. You can find out how this works in my blog post Learning to let go.

Define relationship standards

In order to find the right partner, you have to define exactly what you are from life and from other people. This is the only way to find the right partner.

Eva Wlodarek is a qualified psychologist, author and speaker from Hamburg. She did her doctorate on the subject of “happiness” and is an expert in the field of partner search. According to Wlodarek, before looking for a partner, it is essential to know exactly what your preferences are within the relationship.

Write everything you want in a relationship on a sheet of paper: First of all, everything is unsorted and without a filter - then broken down into two or four important points.

In order to find the right partner, you have to answer these points with every new encounter like a stencil use. If your ideas, needs and preferences do not match, it is better to let go straight away.

Very important: Beware of the phenomenon of "Fatal Attraction"! Diane Felmlee of the University of Californa described the phenomenon of "fatal attraction" in her study.

The study shows that sometimes we feel strongly attracted to people who are us are very dissimilar in character. People who have qualities that we do not have ourselves and therefore find interesting.

He can do that freedom-loving rebel be who celebrates all night long and does not attach importance to classic conventions. But he can do that too success oriented business type his thoughts on his company even at the weekend.

The paradox is: as soon as the rose-tinted glasses are gone, it is precisely these qualities that weigh on a relationship. It is not uncommon for the couple to split up with the words: "We just don't fit together".

Reading tip: In addition to the relationship type test that you can find at the end of the article, you can also use your individual language of love determine. People communicate on different levels and have different needs. The concept of "Love Languages" differentiates between 5 languages ​​of love.

Recognize red flags (warning signals)

To successfully find a partner, you have to learn to recognize toxic or narcissistic people and then right away to sort out. It is therefore important to pay attention to red flags during the getting to know each other.

Red flags are behaviors that affect a Lack of respect, integrity, or interest refer to the relationship (if you haven't already experienced it yourself, you probably know these stories: You get to know each other and slowly build up feelings and suddenly it turns out: He doesn't want a relationship at all).

So that you can get a feel for what red flags are, I have summarized the 5 most important warning signs for you in a list:

  1. You organize all the dates on your own
  2. No compromises are made
  3. No commitment (even after a few weeks)
  4. Your set limits are constantly being exceeded
  5. You are not introduced to friends and family
  6. You feel like you have to cut corners all the time in order to save the relationship

Be sure to listen to mine Podcast episode to learn more about the red flags:

Take the pressure off

If you already are single for a long time, your desire for a partnership may be very great. You finally want to recognize the right partner and be happy with them - you may even wonder whether you are capable of relational at all.

To wish for a partnership is also perfectly okay. However, if your level of suffering as a single is too great, you build internal pressure which is reflected in the outside.

And it looks like this: Your inner pressure forces you to use the natural process of getting to know each other when looking for a partner to advance unnaturally quickly. Your date senses that you are uptight and feels pressured by you and your urges. Often this leads to the fact that your date will take a short time takes flight.

Your inner pressure does not even let you recognize the right partner. Your inner fear does not give you and your counterpart the chance to get to know each other better first.

The first step here is to acknowledge that you are pressuring yourself. In the second step you should - if you really want to change something about it - the Focus on you first and learn a serenity in dating.

Go into self-reflection and come into your own strengthbefore you go looking for your dream partner. The good news is, anyone can learn to love oneself.

Your worth is not measured by whether you are in a relationship. If you want to have a fulfilling relationship with yourself (without reading 1,000 guides), you need to know yourself and your needs. It is not enough to say “yes” at the right moments. Sometimes we have to demand limits that we have defined - that is why it is important to learn to say “no” as well.

Remember: You won't find the right one When you don't let go of the wrong guy. Say no if it feels wrong and focus on new things! If we want to force happiness in love or break over the knee, we run the risk of sabotaging ourselves. That is expressed by us be satisfied with a partnershipthat we would not be satisfied with under “normal” circumstances - and that are not good for us if we are honest. Please don't fall into this trap just to escape a supposed loneliness.

tip: Many people (the effect is often underestimated!) Are helped by one daily meditation practiceto reduce anxiety and pressure. Make sure to check out my article, Meditation For Beginners. Here I will introduce you to three different types of meditation that are particularly suitable for beginners and

Test: who suits me?

Finding the right partner means first and foremost getting to know yourself. Getting to know yourself also means yours individual relationship type to know. You can find a detailed description of these bond types in my blog post What type of relationship am I?

If you know whether you are safe, insecure-avoidant, insecure-ambivalent, or a disorganized attachment type, you can find out much easiern, which partner suits you.

With my free self-test find out what type of relationship you are. I will send you the test and the evaluation to the email address you provided. The test takes about 7 minutes.


The right partner for one harmonious, happy and contented relationship Finding it is a real mammoth task. After all, we will spend the rest of our lives with this person - we hope so.

The advent of mass dating apps with theirs Wipe-and-go mentality doesn't necessarily make finding the right partner any easier.

Studies show that a similar level of attractiveness and similar attitudes towards life are good factors in predicting a happy partnership.
It is therefore important to have a realistic picture of yourself and your relationship preferences. This is the only way we can find a partner who is similar to us - and therefore the right one for us is.